Crazy Life!!

Was so damn tired today, late for class again! damn.. trying very hard to catch what the lecturer is teaching during lecture, must really revise the topics every week just to be able to know what he's talking about.. not really that lost but can be easier.. after lecture went out and the weather sucks.. raining cats and dogs.. went to meet Dennis and Wei Yong and we went for gym at Khatib! Raymond and Justin joined us too. we had alot of fun, i always get very motivated only with Dennis around, look at his muscle motivates me!! my aim! but so hard to achieve! darn~

Went for the night class for the real estate training, today is the first official lesson since the last one is pretty much crap i feel.. some sort of motivation talk by the boss himself and we had to actually walk on broken glass bare footed! at first i thought it was some joke, but then it's really happening! crazy~ nobody got hurt la, though we had to sign some indemity form before walking the glass.. dunno to prove what also, feels very similar to a MLM company, though i know it's not la.. but the approach and style pretty much similar.. (= Anyway, today's lesson was really a nightmare, maybe worst! totally catch no ball, no basketball, no football, no handball!! very pek cek, all the terminology i dont understand, looks like it's hard work from now on.. =s

I suddenly feel everything is moving too damn fast in my life, i dunno where to start how to start anything, felt so lost, helpless?! well, i put myself in this situation so i cant really blame anyone for it but myself, it's just that i'm not sure whether i can pull all these off or not.. so many things coming, can i priortise properly and correctly? there's this real estate thing, my assignment which is gonna due soon, i dont wanna end up burning late night train to finish it up again, at least i hope, and there's econ tests coming up, both the micro and macro, after that will be all the exam papers which will be coming up shortly.. plus all those activities that i'm invloved with, archery, kick-boxing, salsa, yoga and also meetings with friends, all which i'm not prepared to let go, i really wanna complete them.. but i'm not sure whether i got time for everything! this is a HUGE challenge for me now.. i wanna make it through this, i know i can.. i know i must! i will! trust me! =)

Trust trust trust... this word is such a simple yet mysterious word with loads of weight on it.. to be honest, i dont trust anyone at all, other than my parents, dont think i even trust my very own brother, the only people i trust in this world is my mum and dad.. its nice to earn trust, but hard to maintain it, it's such a fragile thing, very easily broken! its really easy to just ask people to trust you, but whatever you do after that people will be judging you on whether u can keep your promise of trust.. it sucks to know that u've lost trust from someone, i seem to be in that kind of position ever so often.. is it the way i portray myself? or is it my actions?! or could be it be that i have to trust others first before i can earn and maintain that level of trust? is that one part of the balance of life?!

Sometimes i just sit there and wonder to myself, just what is going on with life? why is it so messed up now, so untidy and so non-directional?! cant be so because of a girl right?? that's really pathetic i feel, even more so if only one party is feeling that way.. what is it that i wanna achieve? Its all in the mind.. but do you wanna control it? can i face the reality of things straight right up in my face and smile at it because it's there?! is the courage there? =s

I believe that the distance that i'm using to look at things right now is damn close, maybe even sticking to my face.. that's why i'm so stuck right now.. the problem is how to get that distance far back?! there are times when i can step a big step back and look at things differently, i really love looking at things from a far distance, it just makes me smile, when i realise how big the world actually is, and how small and probably insignificant my life is, it just makes me feel better.. like why am i so cocked up and thinking so much about this particular thing that's bothering me when there's so much more happening out there?! why concentrate on ur life, why not go out and observe others, u can only learn that much looking at your own life, but the amount of things you can learn from other people's live is unlimitless! there's so much other things, what's so great about yours? it's the sum of everyone's lifestory that forms the system and theory to life.. our individual life is nothing, it's the world's life that's interesting.. cheers and rejoice to that! hahahah!! =)

I'm gonna go try and study abit now, i really hope i can screw some things in and throw other useless thoughts out.. work hard for the beautification of life! muahahahha!! sounds like a mad man~ =p

Fatty Van Der Devil